How often have you muttered those words under your
breath?
How many times have you wanted to shout that question to
someone who doesn’t appear to be absorbing what you are trying to explain,
express, describe or teach?
Listening takes practice and requires focused attention
to the person who is speaking. We often
hear what our boss, colleague or customer is saying, but the challenge is to
consciously listen for understanding.
Active
listening is a strategy that successful people have mastered and
integrated into their work style. Active
listening entails a deliberate effort to understand a message from the speaker’s
viewpoint. A skilled active listener is
able to clarify meaning by rephrasing the speaker’s statements and reflecting
upon what the speaker is trying to communicate.
Active listening is the foundation for developing empathy.
For example, when your boss starts to give you a hard
time about a new initiative or deadline perhaps he is really upset because he
just came out of a big meeting where the parameters of the project were
changed. By actively listening you can
ask questions that will enable you to gain clarity regarding the deeper issue. When
trying to see things from his viewpoint you are in a better position to support
him most effectively, which ultimately makes you a more valuable employee.
Empathy is the deepest form
of understanding. It occurs when you are
able to imagine what it feels like for the other person. Imagine if you were in your boss’ shoes. Studies
show that when someone feels that you are trying to empathize with them they
are more willing to struggle to understand your point of view and work with you
as a valued partner.
Active listening is the foundation for successful negotiations.
Your customer wants the sun, moon and stars from you by
the end of the week. You only want to
give your customer one star this week.
There is a huge gap in expectations.
By using active listening techniques you can learn why the customer
feels the need to get all three things by Friday. You can let the customer know that you
understand the request and that you recognize their needs. You will be in a better position to explain
how you can help while presenting your limitations. You can work together to develop a solution
that will be acceptable to both of you.
Conflicts
are
resolved faster and result in more positive outcomes when active listening
skills are employed. During conflicts one of the biggest complaints is that the
other person is not listening.
You and your colleague are working on a project and you
don’t agree on the division of labor or the timeframe for completion. Before you learned about active listening you
would have continued to state your point of view so that she could see things from
your perspective. People thought you
were stubborn. As an active listener you
have learned to listen for feelings such as frustration, fear, ego related
issues. Using the information that you
gather during your conversation you are able to diffuse negative emotions and
get to the solution most efficiently.
You are able to turn the conflict into an opportunity for both of you to
problem solve and grow professionally as you complete the challenging project.
The outcomes of active listening are very powerful. It is a skill that successfully and
extraordinary achievers use on a daily basis.
To actively
listen you need to:
·
Ask questions to gain clarity.
· Paraphrase what the other person is saying.
· Make sure that the other person knows that
you understand what they are trying to communicate.
· Become genuinely curious and interested in
what the other person is saying.
· Avoid passing judgment until you have a
complete understanding of the issue and the other person’s perspective.
Think about the benefits of
active listening next time you get into a conflict, begin negotiating a deal or
try to work with a challenging colleague.
The more you often you practice the art of active listening, the more
natural it will become for you. It will
also make difficult situations much less stressful.
As Benjamin Disraeli once
said, “Nature has given us two ears, but only one mouth.” Try to take time to truly listen, be
attentive, listen for feelings and try to genuinely understand what is being
said. You will be surprised how it will
help you excel professionally.
Please share your active
listening experiences and challenges with me.
I look forward to helping you move forward to achieve your career goals.
